The Pensieve

2011 has been mindblowingly a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Well, apart from a few hiccups here and there, the year has been pretty smooth sailing, and well of course, amazing. (can't say this enough, and there're no other better words to use)

It has been a year of transition, of many firsts, of many opportunities and I am thankful to the people around me who have been there for me and have made the year amazing just with your presence - ACE CLUB, NUSA2/UNIT A, OG soccer budz, team sabai, OG12, POSS, V.MAK, MEICHI, family etc etc. The year would not have been as amazing without all you people :')

And of course, I would not be who I am today if not for God, who probably psycho-ed the medicine interviewers to let me in, who opened so many doors and presented to me so so so many opportunities. I wouldn't say that I have been a good and spiritual gal this year but I'm working hard to be the apple of God's eye!

Started off 2011 with a job hunt, worked at marble slab as an ice cream scooper, high achievers as a coach/facil and taught tuition to my p6 kiddies. I would say that these job experiences really changed my mindset and perception regarding earning money and I'd think twice before asking my parents for money, or making them spend excessively on me on things I want but don't really need.

Then came the OCIP to indonesia with the AJCAA people. Surprisingly fruitful trip even though I had initial doubts and prejudices. Miss my samuel, sri and alfa! (And the indon names are so much easier to remember than my cambodian kids hahaha) I still recall very vividly how the moment I touched down at singapore, my dad called to say that Medicine offered me a spot. Alas, God's grace :)

School started in August, made so many new and wonderful friends. Learnt and gained so many experiences pertaining to medicine and the medical scene in singapore. And then came the 2 CAs and then Project Sabai :')

2011 taught me to count my blessings, to be contented, that I'm already blessed beyond measure
"They're all so pretty with brown hair, but it's kinda sad that this brown hair is caused by malnutrition" - overheard at cambodia. This is a simple statement, but it is deeply etched in my mind.

2011 taught me that it is not always about myself, that I should stop being sucha self-centered bitch haha. (refer to previous post)

2011 taught me to give, not merely give comfortably, but also to give, even if it costs me something.

2011 taught me about God's grace, that is more than enough to fill us, that He gives even if we don't deserve it, that no matter what you do, His grace is more than sufficient for us and that He longs to give to His children.

Thank you 2011, for being an awesome year. It's already 2012 (and I reckon i'll continue to date my stuff 2012 for another month) and I believe it's gonna be BETTER.

After a looong hiatus, I'm back to this dusty little journal. It's been so long that I've been receiving spam comments on the older entries haha.

Relocated to posterous for a while, but I concluded that I shall be faithful to this space.

Was just looking through my old entries and one of them was about how I wanted to just 'Get my 4As and get into medical school'. Woah, seriously amazed by how this dream really did come true :) Praise God!

So many things happened this year, so many changes, so many things to adapt to. But it has been a blast! And I think I can say that this is really, one of the best years of my life.

From the job experiences to the collection of A level results,
Project Melodies from the Heart, and now to Project Sabai,
A timid, shy (Do not laugh), unconfident girl to one with a dream halfway fulfilled.

God has seriously been so so so so so good to me, and I just can't thank Him enough for the amazing experiences this year, and of course, for the awesome friends He has placed in my life, both the old friends whom I know I can always rely on, and the new found friendships!

In a blink of an eye, christmas is coming again. Did I mention how much I love christmas!! <3

Awww yeah, CA2 IS OFFICIALLY OVER and THE HOLS HAVE BEGUN AGAIN! Studying for CA2 was such a tedioooous yet enjoyable process. I enjoy learning about the human body, I really do, but memorising all the tiny details is seriously a chore haha. But really thank God for friends who supported me in various ways! Eg explaining stuff to me, studying tgt with me, and just simply being there for me even if they dont understand the things I'm studying.

Spent the WHOLE day right after CA2 back in school.........
Ok but it was really fun doing up all the materials for sabai! Ahh saturday is coming, which means sabai is coming woohoo! Time to mug my KHMER and, oh yeah, pack my luggage.

Watch this space for a 2011 thanksgiving/appreciation post!

 Commcare yesterday was rather meaningful though I kinda expected to witness a more appalling sight. 

The house we were assigned to clean was generally quite clean already except for the high windows which the taller people (like jolyn christine and i) conquered HAHA. Kaiying and Liling did a good job mopping the floor too! :-) Awesumz.

You know how sometimes we feel so damn shitty cos our parents refuse to buy us something? Or like it's the end of the world for us when a relationship ends? Such feelings does no justice to those people out there who are even struggling to survive. Look at the people in Africa, plagued with famine and Aids. I mean c'mon it's not even their fault that they've to be born there. They should be the ones feeling sad and shitty not us. We are more than fortunate to be born in a 'small and open' country with a generally high standard of living (Ok, I was studying for econs..) Oh God, help me find joy in the simplest of things. Help me be easily contented.

We learn in biology that evolution and natural selection cause a  'struggle for existence' within population. It's evident in our society today. People are fighting. Fighting to do well in their studies, fighting to get a good job, fighting for money, fighting to survive. This leaves the 'weaker' ones struggling at the bottom. But must mankind always climb on top of each other just to get to the highest spot? Why can't we like progress TOGETHER without anyone getting eliminated. (Maybe here's how the communism ideology began?) Sighhhh.. Feel so burdened for this world yet I don't have the ability to do anything about it.

I swear when I grow up I'll definitely go for missions in Africa man, if not I won't die in peace!!
Haha, the question 'why are we doing what we are doing' really got me thinking about why do I believe in God, why do I still attend church stuffs despite the heavier workload and the imminent A's and WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN STUDYING. But I came to terms with the fact that I'm studying so that I can be someone useful when I grow up! Useful enough to help the people out at Africa! & I'm serving God because He's real and He's changed my life and perspectives!

Okay, enough of vomitting my thoughts out. Now my head is much more clearer, perhaps it's back to books.

Guess playtime's over. My first week of holidays flew by (cos I was having so much fun). Now it's time to start preparing for Block tests (for real) man. Time to get down to business!

The hols have been a blast so far. (Although we're like only 5days into the hols haha)

Attended ID2010, my first ever church conference! And I can say that the 2 days were worth my time, money, energy!
Other than learning from God's word and soaking myself in His presence during praise and worship, I also got to know the new group people more (-:

Learnt alot about discipleship and after watching "The Bucket List" it dawned upon me that life is very unpredictable, and death is ever so close. It's like we don't know when we'll pass on!  That's why I feel that its important to live every moment like it's our last! Like, grab hold of every opportunity that comes your way, live a life that touches other lives, leave an impact on the earth before you leave. 
You see, at the end of the day when we die, everything goes back into the box. Even if we were rich, so what? We can't bring our material goods with us into the coffin right. Even if we were successful and accomplished in our careers, so what? When we die, we die. We can't bring our present lives along. 

I want to live a life with no regrets! A life that's meaningful, A life after Your heart Lord.

Back to ID2010, the atmosphere is really powerful when you have a few thousand people just worshipping God together. It's like you can really sense the holy spirit movinggg! And even though I was physically drained at the end, but one thing's for sure, that God has met and even surpassed all my expectations!

Monday started off with HOPE FAMILY DAY at YCK stadium. Left for school after a while. (Haha, it's good that aj is located so near yck stadium). After that was meet up with the Girls and HC Dance Night! It was a great time together when we caught up with each other! And I can confirm for sure that I won't eat another Sakae buffet cos it's totally not worth my money. Haha, brought MAX out, and they totally abused it. (Bytw max is my cam) It's a surprise my lens didn't crack man! Heehee, let's meet up again sooon! I love you weiling grace wenman meichi suxian lena shannen genin drina chang!

Hope this 'holiday' will be a meaningful one admist the studying for block tests!

We're all different.

We look different, think differently, act differently, respond differently.
And when other people's differences conflict with us, we tend to feel annoyed, irritated, and everything else negative. 

What holds the friendship/relationship together is the ability to bear with each other / forgive one another when we step on each other's toes right. Oh, and of course, love, and maybe trust holds a friendship together too. 

Not that my school friends are any lousier (I love you all and you guys are awesum), but I feel that friendships made in church are supposed to last longer if God is in the center of the relationship. The common identity as a child of God and the kind of attitude towards people/life/etc tend to help forge stronger ties. However, I don't feel as close to the people in church anymore. Perhaps there aren't really people who are similar to me (in age/personality etc etc) anymore since the old people have all moved on, like I feel this sense of alone-ness that I had never felt last time. Maybe that's part and parcel of growing up. But oh wells, at least I'm assured for sure that the people in church are genuine :-)

There are many 'What if'(s) in my mind, like how different my life will be if I did this instead of that (etc etc). What if I didn't make this choice, that choice etc. How different would my life be now. Sighzxzxz. Guess it's time to sort things out again.

Just sort of consolidated all the chapters I need to study during the hols. and O-M-G, the amount of topics is INSANECRAZYYYETNA(*%87235809jOWNTWON. I doubt I can finish studying everything !!!! But oh welllllls, on the bright side, at least it's just blockkkks, not the actual A's. 
I think play time is over as of nowww, cos this is A's not O's!!!! O's didn't really study that hard so I ended up here, but this timeeee I cannot screw up again! 

I know my future's in Your hands, all of my hopes and dreams and plans.
Help me to trust in You lord. Help me to have that sort of faith again, cos my faith in You? It's running dry.. 




Heh heh heh. I don't know you, but I think you're cuteeeeee. 

 As human as we are, we expect things.

We naturally set expectations for ourselves, the things that we do, and even for the people around us. And when we or they don't meet these expectations, it leaves us disappointed, and maybe, a little demoralized too. There are only 3 outcomes to our expectations, we either meet them, exceed them, or fail to meet them.

And if our expectations aren't met, the next question that lies ahead is, 'What's next?' 

Do we continue to dwell in our sorrows and hold some pity party kinda thing, or do we change our perspectives on how we view things?

Haha oh well, that's just some of my thoughts.

The weekends were great. 
Ended the week with Clave De Sol - AJ Guitar Ensemble Concert! O-M-G. Our group performance was a disaster cos the guitars were drop-tuned plus the amp for my guitar didn't work. But thankfully, wm and the rest couldn't tell that we were out of tune HAHA. It was a good experience though :-) & Now I'm seriously sick of Your Call cos I heard it 'n' times. Great catch up with the girls after the concert, traded lots of secrets here and there HAHA. (Made me miss the good old stnicks timessss!!!)

Saturday was spent at Church with an awesome sermon and powerful teaching at shepherd's meet. Oh, our last service together, cos next week we're gonna be in our new cg(s) already. Oh wells, changes brings about growth so let's be excited!

Since I totally didn't do anything on fri and sat,  sun was stay-at-home-to-clear-my-work day. I literally glued my ass to the chair and completed quite a number of stuff. OMG, it was econs overload. School workload's getting heavier, that means I gotta balance my life more efficiently! 
Crap, I just recall that chem spa is tomorrow and I haven't studied. There's bio spa on thurs toooooo. Hope everything goes wellll.

Thank God for my awesome friends who pulled me through this week, Gna sleep early and recharge myself to fight the next week!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
~ Dr. Seuss

Learnt alot from this awesome quote.

Ever since the wrongly sent text message, I've been thinking & praying a lot.  (It's been quite sometime since I really reflected / think.)

About the superficiality of this world, about how people can be so fake and scheming just to gain achievements.
And I wondered, have I started to conform to the norms of this society? Have I become a horrible two-faced person, turning into someone I never knew? (okay, the extent of this statement may have been influenced from the movie that I just watched on tv HAHA, so it's actually not so serious LOL) Maybe that's a sign that I was straying away from God. 
I'm bearing the name of God on me and I'm not gonna let Him down. I don't wanna give God a bad name.
I really hate superficial people, so for sure, I don't wanna be called superficial myself right/

There's this conflicting thing between being nice to someone even though you don't really like him/her so as to not hurt the person, or creating a huge fuss over things because of your resentment/ fear/ hatred towards someone. Hmm, what can I say? I don't think I'lll create a huge commotion over expressing my dislike/discomfort towards a person, but what I can grow from here, is to be nice to someone, at the same time, trying to accept the person for who he/she is, instead of complaining / gossiping behind his/her back. God taught us to expand our capacity to love, even those whom we aren't really comfortable with. And one thing for sure is that everything we do, be it right or wrong, has an impact on the lives of others. And I wanna live a life that makes a positive impact.

I also thought about trust. How it is something so hard to build up, yet so easy to tear down. 

In this world, there are many kinds of people.
The people-pleaser, the wannabe, the success-oriented person, etc (I'm sure there's loads more).
But through my 17years living on planet earth, I learnt that there are people who really cared, who genuinely loved me, who accepts me for who I am. So why do I still have to care about what others may think/speak of me because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind :-) I'm not gonna give a damn on what people may think of me because it's not reputation, but character that really matters. (For EG. you may think whatever I posted is bullshit to you, but I ain't gonna give a shit :-D )

I'm gonna be myself. (not that I wasn't for the past 17 years of my life, but I want to make an extra effort to live a blameless life that shines for Jesus)

" If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. "
~ Johann von Goethe

Thank you God, for creating me just as I am. & I'm not gonna live for people, I'm living for You, and for myself.




This statement is gonna ruin the entire mood of the post, but I'll just post it anyway haha.
I just googled 'places for photography in Singapore' and now I feel so tempted to bring MAX out for some fresh air. I need a photog budddy to take piccas with me!!! VOLUNTEERS ANY? Haha.

Thanks mom, for always my guardian angel.
For your unfailing love, 
For your genuine concern for me
For guiding me, teaching me, growing me
For taking care of me
For all the little things you've done for me
For your relentless attempts to understand me
For working tirelessly to make life more comfortable for the family
For allowing me to enjoy homecooked dinner almost everyday
For keep the house neat and tidy (ok, maybe except my room and my table)
Thanks for being my supermom.
I love you! Happy Mothers' Day :-)

(Daddy, you'll have yours when Fathers' Day approaches HAHA)

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I'm blessed to have the greatest family and friends around me. :-)
I feel so filled with love now..! Ah. 

 Experiencing some of these teenage angst recently. (Crap, I'm outgrowing the term 'teenage')

Sorry if I barked/shouted/screamed/roared at you.

Anyway, I think learning to count the little blessings in your life does make you feel a whole lot better.
Like, rather than blaming the whole world and yourself for your plight, take some time to thank God for the little awesome things He has done for you and all the awesome people/things around you.
(If you're not a christian, that means, taking time to enjoy all the good things that has happened to you)
It's a good therapy when you feel that the world is against you. try it :-)
Oh if it doesn't work, go for retail therapy or photog therapy (HAHA)


Time to set more realistic future goals. Since a B for PW has already jeopardized my chances of getting in my desired uni course.

Oh yeah. 
Life's good. For the moment.